It's not you, it's me.

Breaking off a romantic relationship can be hard to do because of the often-intense emotions involved in the process. Many of us can remember the somber moment when somebody says “it’s not you, it’s me” as eyes swell with tears, emotions run hot and cold, and couples (at least, some of them) find a private area to break up so as not to have an emotional outburst in front of family, friends, or strangers.

So, why not just send a text?

Sending a text message communicates a lack of desire to interact while allowing both parties to read the same “it’s not you, it’s me” message without having to read and respond to the other’s nonverbal signals. After all, if one has already made up their mind about the dissolution of the relationship, than what can be gained by further interaction?

Of course, many of you (ourselves included) recognize that the preceding suggestion is remarkably cold and impersonal. But think about it this way: Is not a breakup in fact cold and impersonal?

What is your reaction to this suggestion?

I think that no matter how you attempt to a dissolve a relationship, someone will inevitably get hurt since rejection in any sense is painful. As you mentioned, a break up in and of itself is cold and impersonal. "Dear John" letters written to service members exist almost unavoidably within the military. Particularly in basic training because the service member cannot immediately call their significant other for an explanation or demand a response because we typically do not have the freedom to do so. What makes this any different?

Now, who is to say that a text message is the most painful method of going about things? Someone could potentially deliver the same cold message in person by driving up, refusing to get out of their car and simply say, "Sorry. It's Over. Bye." and drive off. Most people are not rude enough to go to such lengths but the same effect can be had through multiple avenues of communication. Also, the absence of haptic communication makes any negative communication, such as a breakup, feel even more hollow than it already is.

I think an all around blatant refusal to interact on multiple levels is what facilitates a "cold and impersonal" message from a sender to a receiver.

Breakups are always going to be extremely tough no matter what end you are on and if you are the one being broken up with, you are going to be hurt no matter how it is done. However, I think that breaking up with someone in person is a lot more respectful than if you did it through a text message. Breaking up with someone in general may seem cold but by doing it in person, you are allowing the person to see your body language. Talking about it face to face allows both of you a better chance to talk over the situation and the reason for the break up. Breaking up with someone through a text will make them think you don't care about them at all and never did, which comes across as extremely cold. And even if your feelings for them are gone, they still at least deserve your time to meet up and explain to them that you want to call it off.

Breakups are in fact harsh and for the most part can be very upsetting or unexpected. Today many people experience a lot of communication and often a large part of peoples relationships are lived through text message. While many serious relationship conversations may happen over text, the one I simply cannot accept as okay is the breakup conversation. Yes, breakups can sometimes be cold and impersonal; but receiving a text message makes it even more extreme. Unlike an in-person conversation which has to be planned and participated in by both individuals, a text message is unplanned and often unexpected. It can come out of the blue and can be delivered at any time of the day. The shock factor of a text message makes it much more painful and immediately more upsetting.
Truthfully, if I ever had to breakup with someone I would want to do it through text as it is much easier. After sending that text you can put your phone away and not have to deal with the reactions that would occur during a face to face conversation. A text can be executed more as planned, unlike a conversation where reactions have to happen in the moment with that person. So yes, sending a text message for the person who is doing the ‘breaking up’ is much easier than breaking up in person. But that does not make it right, it just makes it easier. Just like it is easier to cheat on a test than to study for it, but that does not make the cheating right. I have to stand by the idea that breaking up with someone through text message is simply not the right thing to do.

Breaking up is never easy, but I believe it is only fair to the person you were with to say it to them face to face. No matter how long I was with a girl, I always made sure that anything important that I wanted to say was said in person. I believe that out of respect for your partner it is only fair to do so face to face. This can relate to the concept of people who like to trash talk over the phone, maybe they do so because they are too scared to say it in person. Breaking up through the phone is the easy way out, anyone can hide through the screen and say how they may feel, but I don't think the message gets delivered the same way as a face to face interaction would. Also , I think that even though it is a breakup and can end ugly, it is more rewarding in a sense to say it in person than to say it in text. The way I see it is that if someone does not even have the time to come see me to break up with me , then were they really even worth my time ? Also , why put something in writing like that? Who knows where your partner will screenshot the text and post it trying to make a fool of you. At least in a face to face interaction, you can't be shamed for hiding behind the screen and it is more genuine , even if its in a negative way it holds more weight than a text does.

Relationships aren't always easy, but they're a 2-way street. Both people have to put in time and effort to make it work. Dating and/or being in a relationship is a time to grow and learn about yourself and the person you're with. Sometimes we learn that that person may not be the best partner for whatever reason and it's time to break it off. Whether you're the one breaking up or being broken up with, it's most likely cold because it's a heartbreaking situation. But, I do feel that doing it in-person is the proper way to do it, especially if you're the one doing the breaking up. A break up is too important to do through text or a mere phone call. The least you can do is give that person the decency of telling them face-to-face. It at least shows that you respect them enough and have the guts to look at their face and go through the emotions right there with them. Sending a message without looking at their face and letting them go through the emotions by themselves is cowardly and disrespectful. If you're going to break someone's heart, the least you can do is show them some decency by being there to do it. Of course, that's also very dependent on the relationship and reason for breaking up as well. If the person you're breaking up with really cares and did right by you, you owe them the decency of a face-to-face breakup because they were good with you. If the person had been cheating or hasn't been treating you right, whether by lying, being selfish, or disrespectful etc. then you can probably just go ahead and break up through call or text. If they did you like that, they probably don't deserve the decency of an in-person break up and you're probably going to want to just end it ASAP to not have to deal with their BS anymore.

While this technically wasn't a break-up, it was still heartbreaking for me. Years ago there was this girl I really liked and I felt she liked me back. We'd been talking for several months and in that time I felt we became good friends. One day on the way to my house, she took my hand, leading me to think she felt the same way I did. Days later, I told her I wanted to make things official and she surprised me saying she wasn't sure if she wanted more and needed some time to think. A couple months passed and we remained in contact. I thought things would work and we could actually be together. On a fateful Sunday night, I responded to a funny video she post on Snapchat, which led to a fun little conversation. Then she dropped the "Hey, I've been thinking about all this. And I think we should stay as friends" bomb on me. I was heartbroken and upset, not only because I really liked her, but because she told me in a message instead of having the guts to tell me to my face. And the fact that she made me feel something that apparently wasn't real.

While it can easily be seen as awful when breaking up by text message, there are benefits to the situation. My previous breakup was very loud, and left me feeling awful. I quickly wanted to leave, but would have felt awful if I did so, causing the break up process to be long and drawn out, only causing more harm to the other person. Additionally, the guilt from seeing the other person so upset haunted me weeks.Afterwards, I later received a text message stated that I had left something at her home, and I didn't even possess the courage to respond at the time to go and retrieve it. Instead, I just replaced the missing item. A text message, may have simplified the situation and avoided pain on both parties end. With that being said, I still think that an action such as a break up should be in person, primarily for one reason.

One, interpretation. Due to a large portion of communication being non verbal such as gestures, eye contact, and facial expressions, with just word sprawled haphazardly across a page may leave room for miscommunication. What one may view as a clear break up, another individual may just see the other person is just temporarily upset. To ensure clarification, words will need to be exchanged in person. Tone is not able to be established as well through text message. When writing emails for work, one of my main concerns would be what is the tone of this message. Similarly, it is very hard to determine what is always meant behind a text message and what the intended sound truly was. Add in an emotional situation and interpretations can change even further.